The Latest Chapter in Israel's War of Independence 1948-????

Folks keep asking me what it's like to be living in the middle of a war, and I have to reply that I'm not. I'm to the south of it. Which, after two intifadas and one Gulf War, is something of a relief. Not that either was really a war--it was more like the so-called "phoney war" England experienced in 1939-40. You know they're out there, and they want your destruction, but only rarely do you get immediate and intimate glimpses of it.

My internet provider is located in Haifa, so I keep thinking my internet access is going to be taken out one of these days, but so far, so good. Prospective-son-in-law Sharon's family is all in Kiryat Shemona, which has been frequently used as a punching bag by Syria/Hezbollah/PLO, etc. in the past 3 or 4 decades, but they are coping pretty well, although it got to be so boring in the bomb shelters they all packed into the family car and went to visit a relative in Katzrin, which is on the Golan Heights--not really much of an improvement, as it happened.

In the past week, two pregnant women who evacuated, with their families, to Jerusalem, have come to the clinic--not because they felt unwell, but because their relatives here thought they should. In vain they protested that not one rocket had landed anywhere near them, and the drive south--a matter of a couple of hours--was completely uneventful. They had been "in the war" and should be checked out. My daughter reports that hotels at both the Dead Sea and Eilat have jacked up their prices and have no vacancies. Usually, in the run-up to Tisha B'Av local tourism dries up as religious Jews don't go swimming during the immediate pre-fast period. This year, tourism is dead up north, but the south is revelling in an unexpected burst.

I try not to watch too much news, which is difficult as my husband is a typical Israeli news freak. Once upon a time, there was only one TV channel in Israel, and two in Jordan (one in English, during which King Hussein mainly seemed to endlessly review his troops, to the accompaniment of taped martial music, and the other in Arabic, which featured mostly Egyptian films). On Israel TV there was one nightly news broadcast, and on Friday evenings, an expanded "news magazine". Now we have three channels in Israel alone, each vying with each other for the longest and most complete news coverage. I wonder the very ants in the north haven't yet been interviewed. We get Sky TV, CNN, BBC, Al Jazeera, and Fox News too, via cable. Yawn. Massive yawn.

Sky at least keeps things in perspective. If they can broadcast some titbit of local British news, some Ministerial indiscretion or that a drain has burst in Puddleby-sur-Mare they will do so, in preference to news coming from anywhere not part of the British Empire. The BBC has recently been trying to be more even-handed, after coming in for a lot of criticism so first they screen a segment with some Nordic UN official proclaiming that Israel is in violation of human rights (kidnapping Israeli soldiers, showering Israel with over 2000 rockets, and vowing Israel's destruction is apparently in accordance with "human rights" where Israel is concerned). An "analysis" by their "Israel expert" Paul Adams in Jerusalem is next. Adams' experience, during his tenure here, was augmented--if that's the correct word--by the fact that he and his wife, a British consular officer, were living on an extreme Left-wing moshav during the time Israel withdrew from Lebanon. In 2000 there was a loud local lobby urging Israeli cooperation with Arafat, our "partner" in the illusory "peace process", a term itself coined by the Leftist international press. To listen to Adams today, who must be talking with Yossi Beilin and no one else, we are practically begging for forgiveness from Hezbollah for existing. Finally, the BBC, in the interests of fair play, interviews some Israeli government spokesman, who inevitably sounds as if he's on the defensive as he rebuts the previous reports. At least PM Olmert has gotten rid of all of Sharon's cronies, who had terrible English, and has recruited a number of native English speakers who are forceful and articulate. CNN has been relatively unobjectionable, and has been treading delicately, as often as I've seen it.

Fox News? We could nuke Lebanon and they'd approve. Their view of the world is so simplistic I bet it bores kids in third grade.

Condeleeza Rice is expected any moment, and I bet she isn't quite as gung-ho as Bush has been, and will talk about "restraint on both sides". Meanwhile the Clown of Tehran claims, according to one unconfirmed report, to have the capability to hit London, if they don't stop supporting Israel. Huh. Ah well, another day, another katyusha, or ICBM, or whatever.

Of course, the truth is somewhere in between. Of course our response is disproportionate; this isn't a duel with single-shot pistols at ten paces. I have never understood this--back in the first intifada, when kids with slingshots a la David and Goliath were attacking cars, we were accused of barbarism by firing rubber (and real) bullets at them. What should we have done? Built ballistae and hurled stones back at them? A fist-sized stone, propelled by a powerful slingshot, into the windscreen of a car can cause a fatal accident--as indeed happened to a nursing colleague of mine, driving home, when she was hit in the head and went off the road, was seriously injured, and lost the baby she was carrying. Lebanon, whether a Syrian puppet (Syria declared yesterday that no agreement between Lebanon, which is officially an independent country now, and Israel, would be considered valid by Syria without Syria's agreement as well. Interesting independence) or not, is one of the countries which declared war on us in 1948 and has never concluded any kind of cease-fire, armistice, or peace treaty with us, and whose formal position is that it does not recognize our independence. The situation is not that we are warring on Lebanon; it is that Lebanon is at war with us, and is using Hezbollah as its proxy. It really isn't relevant whether Lebanon controls Hezbollah or Hezbollah is controlling Lebanon. We are being attacked, full stop. Just because someone's cancer is slow-growing doesn't mean you give it an aspirin tablet in preference to all-out chemotherapy, etc. unless you're willing to have it kill you in the end.

"Art in the Blood Takes the Most Unusual Forms"

I've got a new Enthusiasm. It's writing "appreciative fiction". That's a fancy-shmancy way of describing fanfic.

It has come about because of my discovery of the Mary Russell novels of Laurie R. King, in which a 15 year old half-American, half-British Jewish girl meets the "retired" Sherlock Holmes, becomes his protegee, his partner, and ultimately his wife.

Sounds absolutely dreadful, doesn't it?

Except, it isn't. King is smart enough to create a plausible story line, and can imitate the Conan Doyle style enough to sound pretty much an authentic Holmesian delineator. So far there are 8 books, with another due in 2008.

And just as the original Holmes "Canon" has spawned interminable discussion and pastiche, so have the Russell novels done--except there is a difference, because the "Kanon" (as Russellians call the King novels) is itself a pastiche, and a particular kind of pastiche at that.

Fanfic, "a story based on a pre-existing story-concept, written by someone who is not working under the original copyright, and therefore not an officially sanctioned part of said story universe" as it has been described, has been around for a long time, but the internet has caused it to expand exponentially, as it is much easier to disseminate. "The internet has given rise to literally thousands of newsgroups devoted to particular programs, characters, and actors. Fans can go online and discuss their interests with other fans without regard to boundaries of time or geography. [...] [the internet has] brought fandom into a public place where it can be more easily accessed by both potential fans and researchers." (Sue Hazlett, quoted in the "The Hive: Exploring an Online Community"

[http://www.geocities.com/athens/acropolis/8950/russell/thehive.htm]

There are sub-genres to fanfic, one of the most common being the "Mary Sue" variety, in which the author inserts him/herself into the story. I've been working on a novel based on The Sandbaggers" (a British TV spy series of the late 70s) for years and it is a "Mary Sue" novel without ever knowing it! So fanfic devoted to the Russell stories are pastiches of pastiches, but none the less fun for that.

There is even a site devoted to Russellian fanfic: The Hive. What is surprising is the quality of quite a bit of the stuff there. While some of it is mediocre, both in conception and writing, there are several very good full length novellas as well as short fiction there. Two stories, in particular, I found to be hilariously funny: The Vicissitudes of an Idiom and A Happy Birthday... For Whom?

I modestly note that I have submitted a vignette, Last Minute Doubts, and have a couple of others in the works.

I think I have found my metier at last...

Odd Priorities

This is in the Washington Post for Friday, 2nd June:

Schenck, a well-known evangelical activist, also heads the National Clergy Council and last year said he blessed every piece of furniture in the Senate hearing rooms where the Judiciary Committee considered the nomination of now-Chief Justice John Roberts.

The context is that, because the evangelical Christians can't put their statue of the two tablets of the Ten Commandments in front of the Supreme Court, they are installing it on the lawn of a private house opposite, so the Justices will have to see it every day. This is supposed to incline them to issue judgments based on Scripture rather than the Constitution.

But what interests me is that this fellow thinks it important to bless the furniture, which, so far as I know, being inanimate and insentient, doesn't have a voice (literally or figuratively) in anything, rather than the members of the committee which chooses new Justices to the Court. I would think that blessing the requisite human beings might be more efficacious. But then, not being a Christian, I might be mistaken. Maybe furniture is more important to the Christian God or Jesus than people.

The Dust Is Settling

Right now, there are two subjects that bore me silly. One is anything to do with Ariel Sharon's condition, which, if not permanently vegetative, is certainly currently vegetative. What the doctors knew (or did not know) and when they knew it really doesn't interest me any more--it's all irrelevant. I hope he gets pneumonia soon and dies, since the living death he currently is in has only one advantage: he's not suffering. Give him a grand funeral and let's get on with the business of everyday living in Israel, or in other words, back to the battlefield.

The other topic is the Hamas victory in the Palestinian elections. Was it really the incredible surprise the journalists and politician are claiming? If so, I am the only unsurprised person around, which I find a bit hard to believe. It was inevitable. The only way Fatah could have won was to rig the ballot and stuff the ballot boxes. The only people who loathe Fatah more than the Israelis are the Palestinians, because of the corruption and the internal terrorism of Arafat's machine.

Hamas has two options: one hard, one easy. It doesn't take a lot of savvy either to guess which one they will take.

If they really want the best for the people, they will (probably violently because I don't see any other option) disarm Fatah gunmen, and the other militias like Al Aqsa, crush corruption, begin concrete improvements in Palestinian life, and show their constituents and the rest of the world that they are responsible and mature. If they do this, it doesn't really matter whether they officially "renounce terrorism" and "recognize Israel's right to exist". But taking the road of internal reform is dangerous and difficult. It's so much easier to let the existing mess simmer on and try to shift the Palestinians' attention to the external enemy once again--make a scapegoat of Israel for all their own, and the previous regime's, shortcomings. In Abba Eban's memorable phrase, they will once again not miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

Frankly, the Hamas victory will have less long-term impact on the Middle East and world politics than the pundits think. The big change will only come when the West can get its mind around the simple but unthinkable fact that it is at war with an implacable enemy who will not be appeased: Islam. This is so politically incorrect for a civilization which insists on religious tolerance at all costs that it will take a lot more September 11th-like attacks or Iran will have to nuke Vienna or Paris before it can get its act together and finally see that the entire Islamic world is its adversary.

Sharon's legacy to Israel is the disengagement from Gaza and the security fence. Israel is withdrawing, with great pain, to defensible borders and hunkering down. The euphoria I remember so well in 1978 with the first Camp David talks has given way finally to a grim realization--which should have come much earlier--that at least another generation will have to pass before the Palestinians realize they have no option but to live with us.

In a small way, I think there is reason to hope. The average Palestinian man and woman in the street has actually made a statement by voting Fatah out of power--that it wants constructive change, clean government, a better life. To interpret the election results as a victory for radical Islam is mistaken. It was a vote against a regime that caused its own people simply too much suffering, not a vote to go to war again. One hopes the leaders of Hamas have the sense to see it.

HaShkedia Porachat...(The Almond Tree is Blooming)

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

I don't think Tom Lehrer had Jerusalem's parks in mind when he wrote that, and now that I think of it, I don't see many pigeons in Israel's parks, possibly due to the very large number of feral cats rather than poison, but spring is definitely the loveliest time of year in Israel and we are wallowing in the throes of it right now.

Most unusually, the weather is fine for Purim this year. Usually, for reasons known only to the Most High, Purim, Lag b'Omer, and Independence Day tend to be cold and rainy, even though it's nearly summertime by Yom Atzmaut. Everything is green and blossoming. The wildflowers (protected by law--how many countries protect flowers ?) are scattered over the hillsides, which have, even in the Jordan Valley (where it never rains) a velvety cover of delicate grass. Brilliant scarlet poppies, shy anemones, rare blue-black irises, jonquils and narcissi, peep out of the foliage, soon to wither and scorch in the Mediterranean sun. Soon, everyone with allergies will begin sneezing (the olive tree is especially tiresome in this respect and most immigrants to Israel from colder climes are completely unprepared for olive pollen and react violently, myself included) and hacking. For most, it's a small price to pay for the mild weather and the (comparative) lushness of the countryside. It fades all too soon.

Purim is a harbinger of Passover, and so most women are somewhat ambivalent about its arrival. The Seder night is exactly one lunar month away, and the Pesach cleaning now moves into high gear. If there are traditional practices that just about every Jewish Israeli adheres to, no matter how secular, it is the Passover Seder and rituals associated with death and mourning. Depending on one's ethnic background, the cleaning can mean a total house painting, a virtual disassembly of cupboards and appliances associated with food production, literally shaking out every book to discover any hidden crumb, total change of dishes and utensils, boiling water poured over every surface that can sustain it; plastic put over every surface that can't. This year, since the Seder is on Saturday night, there are additional halachic problems. I hate the whole business, frankly. The Seder may be uplifting, but the weeks before it give me radical anxiety and stress.

So I guess I ought to make hay while the sun shines (sneeze!) and enjoy Purim and the spring. Indeed, I shall. I've reassembled the porch swing, and will shortly remove myself to it, accompanied by some crocheting and my pocket PC, to which I've added a number of mp3 files from a site I've recently found, called Nonags (www.nonags.com). You have to take out a subscription, which is $25 a year (special deal is currently available--40% discount for a "lifetime" subscription) and it gives you access 300 GB of audiobooks, plays, and old-time radio shows for download. The stuff is fantastic! Everything from classical BBC drama to The Lone Ranger; poems by Edgar Allen Poe read by Basil Rathbone to Burns and Allen (which I'm downloading to my computer as I'm writing this); the unabridged reading of Dr. Zhivago to Amos 'n' Andy. Bill Clinton reads My Life (surprisingly well) and there are recordings of radio programs featuring all the greats of the Swing era, like Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw. For someone like myself who grew up in the Golden Age of Radio, it's a mechiah.

In spite of this being a post about Purim, I haven't really written much about it. I suppose this is because my kids are now adults, and I don't have to figure out any more how to make costumes warm enough for them not to get pneumonia but creative enough to maintain my "reputation" as an "arty" person. The Adloyoda parade in Tel Aviv resumed this year after a couple of years when the intifada interfered with it (interestingly, maybe because everyone still jumps at the noise, there seems to be less fireworks than I remember), but Jerusalem has always been more subdued. From Taanit Esther this year to the end of Shushan Purim it's a full 4 days, which has always seemed odd to me, coming from a place where Purim was barely a day. Which neighborhoods of Jerusalem celebrate Purim proper and which celebrate Shushan Purim has resulted in a logistical nightmare for those giving mishloach manot. Fortunately, everyone I know lives close enough to me that I don't have to figure it all out, although I was paid a visit by two young men from Gush Katif who wanted me to accept one, complete with a CD explaining why I should "join myself" to the settlers there. Does Gaza come under the category of a "walled city in the time of Joshua"? I forgot to ask them. I also forgot to tell them that this family supports disengagement. Ah well...

A Purim sameach to all of you, and an easy preparation for Pesach!

(Sneeze!)

Hot Licks

This appeared on a local message board recently:
I need help with my washing machine. Is there anyone who can repair it? It's licking water from the filter.

Immediately the image of a large red tongue, reminiscent of the logo on a Rolling Stones album, protruding from the open door of a front-loading machine, swam in front of my eyes, even though I realized it probably was only a typo.

Not so simple to understand was a certain newspaper column where the writer expressed the "furlong" hope that Bush's next term would bring some order to fiscal chaos. "Furlong" isn't a commonly used word, unless you're a patron of the Sport of Kings--it's rather up there with "sennight", a word I loved using for its shock value. "Say what?" (Interestingly, "fortnight" is not so obscure. Probably because one can say "week" instead of "sennight", but "two weeks" takes longer)

After a moment, I realized that the Tyranny of the Spell-Checker was to blame. No one knows how to spell any more, and everyone's got a spell-checker in their computer. Bah humbug.

Ever since I discovered that the "auto-correct" feature in Word was changing the name of a beloved literary character from Lymond to "lemonade" I have banished auto-correctness to the furthest circle of Hell, but since Baby, my 21 year-old daughter is sending me emails from New York, I've been thinking a lot about spelling. She's a native Hebrew-speaker; we don't speak English at home because my husband doesn't understand it; and she spells phonetically. She often gets quite simple words wrong, while succeeding admirably with rather difficult ones (she probably looks those up). Also, in contrast to native English-speakers, whom I encounter in my many lists literally in the hundreds every day, she rarely makes some of the most common errors, such as distinguishing between the three "to's".

Americans seem not to know whether something is lost or loosed, whether they are lying down or have laid something down (ditto confusion over "rise" and "raise"). The young generation of Israelis, I've noted, share an equal confusion over whether one has given birth (ללדת) or one has begotten (להוליד) which surprises me. One hears "hi holeeda" (she has begotten) all the time, when it should be "hi yalda" (she gave birth). Dunno why.

I won't even go into the Misuse of the Apostrophe, which is massive. It's bad enough no one seems capable of spelling correctly any more, but doesn't anyone study grammar? Following a particularly complicated explanation of an NFL rule being challenged in a recent Monday Night Football game, Al Michaels added "Parse that!" which sent John Madden into gales of laughter. At least he understood the phrase. Because the answer is no, grammar isn't fun, so it's been dropped from the curriculum.

In my day, we had spelling bees at school and they were occasions of terror for most of my classmates. But we not only learned to spell, we learned how to use a dictionary--the kind that you turned the pages of (Gosh! I've just ended a sentence with a preposition--two smacks on my palm with a ruler). I remember the amazed exclamations when I taught my kids how to use theirs--the teacher had never bothered. Nowadays of course, you have an electronic one, or use the internet. If it's not fun, it's not taught, these days, and no one really liked diagramming sentences, apart from a few obsessive-compulsives, any more than anyone liked reciting the multiplication tables or lists of State capitals. (Tell me how many you remember and I'll tell you approximately how old you are. According to the National Geographic, one-third of todays US high school students don't know that Washington, DC is the national capital)

Once, one's fluency in one's language was regarded as an essential asset. There was a plaintive message, from a cybercorrespondent on a list that helps potential immigrants to Israel, lamenting that he can't get a resume or CV written in decent English, without spelling and grammatical mistakes any more, from applicants with half a dozen degrees to their credit. My friend wondered why the applicants didn't think it detracted from the impression they were trying to make (would you hire a dyslexic to be a proofreader?) I replied that they probably would care, if they knew they were making mistakes. But today's world is so visual, they probably don't. What with emoticons and a whole phalanx of abbreviations like BTW, YMMV, IIRC, etc., even cybercommunication isn't contributing to better expression (quantity over quality? Hmmm...)

Spellers and grammarians of the world, unite! You are needed as never before, to rescue communication before it deteriorates into a series of cyber-grunts! (And yes, there are two "M's" in "communication")

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